We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
