I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
