rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
