pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
