the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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