So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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