Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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