this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
