to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
