Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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