She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
