3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
