At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
