Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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