I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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