i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
