I am puke
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you inspire me to be a worse person
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
This is the high leading the old right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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