I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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