there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
