So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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