i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
