Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize