I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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