Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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