I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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