I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
