Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
