Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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