i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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