When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
