I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
