I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
