3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
