I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
