Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize