There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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