I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
