you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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