dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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