My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
