And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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