Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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