Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
