She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
