I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
