Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
