I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
