but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
