That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
