probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
