It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
