i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
