the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
