i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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