The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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