i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
