The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
