Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
