I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize