so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
