3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
