the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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