His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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