I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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