My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
