I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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